I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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