i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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