all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
