I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
