three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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