yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
