I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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