Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
