eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
