i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Are my feet made of real feet?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Still dying that you shit outside
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
