i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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