dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I love having hate sex.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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