I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
