ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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