When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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