I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
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I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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