Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just threw up on my dentist
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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