Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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