So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
