Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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