Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We got so high we made milksteak
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I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
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The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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