Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
