I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
