so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos