we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....