but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
