The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
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I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.