please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
why is half of my head shaved?
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