If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
