I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he wants to bone in the snuggie
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
