dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
