I'd wear matching sweaters with you
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
