i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
