I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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There's always time for handjobs
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
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I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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