uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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