Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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