It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
