I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
