Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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