It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
as a side note pls kill me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
