bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You made out with two different species that night
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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