A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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