so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
