uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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