I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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