He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
