3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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