I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
