one might say we're banned from that church
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
