I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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