Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
