Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
