I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
