just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
this will be a night to untag.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
