so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We got so high we made milksteak
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I believe in your delicious
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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