If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
