Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
