Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
