ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
