This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
