he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
