it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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