if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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