remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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