it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
