do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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