It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
