It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
50% drunk capacity currently
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
