We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
