At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
