I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
