the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
